Things I Still Haven’t Figured Out by 48
Midlife is supposed to be the time when you’ve got it all together… right? Well, I’m here to report that I do not. In fact, there are quite a few things I still haven’t figured out—and some of them are downright ridiculous. (Looking at you, fitted sheet.)
So I’m 48 — which apparently still isn’t old enough to know what shoes go with which pants, how to cook a decent chicken breast, or how to fold a fitted sheet without turning it into a sad little laundry burrito.
Honestly, I thought by now I’d feel wise. Like a midlife oracle. Or at the very least, someone who knows what the heck they’re doing. Spoiler: I do not. And I’m starting to think the “figuring it all out” thing might’ve been a lie sold to us by sitcoms, magazines, or possibly Oprah. I’m not sure.
But hey, I can laugh about it. So let’s run through a few things I truly thought I’d have mastered by now — but instead, I’m just out here winging it.
Pairing Shoes with Pants
I thought I’d be that person who just knew what shoes to wear with what outfit. I know people who can casually throw on ankle boots and somehow look effortlessly pulled together. That is not me.
Instead, I’m five-seven with pants always either too long or too short, and I live in flats because heels are my enemy. I can actually see when a shoe doesn’t work… I just can’t tell you what would’ve worked better. There really should be a shoe/pant algorithm or some kind of cheat sheet.
Cooking Chicken – Not Decimating it
I have a meat thermometer. I use it. I try to hit the magic number — 165°F. But, somehow my chicken turns out dry and overcooked. And sometimes it turns out both dry AND watery. Explain that to me! I’ve baked, boiled, crockpotted, air fried, Instant Potted. I do not grill because…fire. Still, the chicken refuses to cooperate.
Not Caring What People Think
I guess I was under the impression that this would happen by this age – you know, not giving a crap what other people think. Nope, I still care. I wish I didn’t. My partner genuinely does not care what anyone thinks of him. How do you do that!? Meanwhile, I’m over here mentally rewriting things I said three years ago to a cashier at Walgreens.
Understanding Taxes
I thought I’d eventually understand taxes. Nope. I pay a professional and move on with my life. I highly recommend that you do the same. If you’re in your 20s and waiting for the “understanding taxes” chapter of adulthood to unlock — it might not. And that’s okay.
Folding a Fitted Sheet
Nope, I can’t do it. I’ve watched every tutorial known to mankind. I’ve slowed them down, I’ve tried to copy their moves — and somehow I still end up with a wrinkled burrito of shame. If it fits in the linen closet and doesn’t fall out when I open the door, I’m calling it a win.
Also, folding a cardboard box with all the flaps. What is this sorcery? I just can’t do it. It’s like origami to me.
Looking Normal in Social Situations
This is just the worst. I overthink every pose, every arm movement, every smile. Do I look relaxed? Approachable? Am I moving like a robot? Why are my hands doing that?
People who look natural in photos or just seem so relaxed in social situations really amaze me. I just so impressed by them. Please give me tips.
Understanding Why People Are Mean
This one’s really frustrating. I still don’t understand why people go out of their way to be cruel, especially the backhanded compliments, the smug insults wrapped in “just being honest.”
Someone once told me that some people sleep better after they’ve made someone else miserable. And you know what? That checks out. I refuse to normalize that behavior though. We’ve all been hurt. Most of us still try to be decent. So no, I don’t fully buy the “hurt people hurt people” excuse. Sometimes, mean people are just mean because they like to hurt others. It just makes them feel good.
Still Figuring It Out
Nope, I still haven’t mastered adulthood. I’m just trying my best to roll with it — awkward stumbles, burnt chicken, clunky shoes and all.
If you’re also out there trying to make sense of your fitted sheets, social skills, or the tax code…welcome. You’re in the right place. Let’s keep pretending we have it 50% figured out.
And while we’re at it, let’s stop being so hard on ourselves. We’re doing just fine, even if we’re wearing the wrong shoes.
